To resolve or not to resolve, that is the question…
To paraphrase Shakespeare, “To resolve or not to resolve, that is the question.”
It’s the New Year, and many of us face this recurring ritual with less than enthusiasm!
“Firmness of resolve” has a tough time again the” stubbornness of the unresolved.” So if goals make you miserable, eliminate the misery! No one “has to” set goals.
Yet it often seems as if it’s bred into our DNA. We seem to be programmed to want to make change, to do something different or do something differently!
What we really are after is the feelings we expect when we achieve a goal. It’s thinking with the end in mind (see Stephen Covey!) And if the anticipated feelings seem worth it, then we’ll choose to take that journey towards that destination.
And we can then enjoy every minute along the way. After all, we don’t sing songs to finish them, as life coach, PJ McClure has said. It’s always the experiences along the way, the moments, that make both the trip and the destination worth it.
If you say you want to increase your income by $xxxx this year, it’s not really the money itself. It’s how you will feel.
What is the feeling you want?
- Feelings of security,
- relaxation,
- unstressed,
- pride,
- being valued?
So if you want to go for it, here’s the process:
The first step is to identify your reasons why. Without solid, heart-felt, committed reasons, you won’t stick with it when the going gets tough.
The second step is to make sure you believe it can happen for you. We will only work towards something that we think we can succeed at. Maybe chunking down the big goal into a medium-sized goal would be smart. Success in small steps is better than failure in the big leap.
The third step is to be crystal clear. Know what it will look like and feel like when it is accomplished.
The fourth step is to “Just Do It!” Don’t talk about it; take action NOW. Momentum is a great help!
Peel away this New Year ritual and you’ll discover many new layers. The word resolution has at least four meanings, so you’ve got lots of choices if you decide to go for it.
The typical meaning is firmness of resolve or intent. This year I will lose 30 pounds, or exercise 30 minutes 5 times a week.
A secondary meaning is the chief dramatic point in a story, where the story’s confusion and conflict get “resolved.”
And a third that you might want to use has to do with endings. “I have resolved my drinking problem.” A number of resolutions fail because they are new beginnings that refused to do the work of endings first. “ I’m going to stop drinking.” Support groups may be helpful in getting through the parts of your past that need resolving before moving on to the new.
And the final take on the word has to do with clarity or crispness of a picture, something akin to focus. “What will be the lens through which I view life in 2013?”
So…
What is your choice? To resolve or not to resolve? If to resolve, which definition best fits what you want to do?
2 Comments
Here’s a slightly different take on the whole resolutions thing. Every year – around my birthday rather than Jan1 – I take time to go into retreat and take a blank journal. After reviewing my prior year in writing – the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy, the sad, the disappointing – I write down how it might look on my next birthday. Your mention of ‘how do I want it to FEEL’ is key on this part. Then look at how that might happen. What would I need to do between now and then? Do I want to do that? Maybe, maybe not. Writing all this down helps with the clarity of thought and focus for sure. This journal is not to be shared so it doesn’t matter what I put in it since no one else will know anything that’s there.
Also, I might (and only ‘might’) share with one or two soul mates or connections – rarely with acquaintances. This would only be people I know for sure would support and encourage me. Somehow talking about it a lot just dissipates the power of whatever is driving me. For many people talking about their choices for the next year engenders support, for others the talk replaces the actions. Only after all the time reviewing, looking at how I want to feel do I actually start setting little steps to get there.
It’s a slightly different way to approach the entire New Year’s Resolutions issue.
You’ve described a great process, Fay!
I too have found it important to not dilute the energy of my focus by talking much about it. Originally, it was that if I didn’t achieve it, nobody would know, saving me embarrassment. Now it’s moved to wanting to make sure that no bit of energy is wasted.
Also, there is usually only one or two close connections that I share with. Interestingly enough, not my spouse nor my children! Wonder about that sometimes!