What smart people don’t say…
There are some things we simply never want to say. These phrases carry the special power of making us look bad even when the words are true!
Worst of all, there’s no taking them back once they slip out.
No matter how talented we are or what we’ve accomplished, there are certain phrases that instantly change the way people see us. These phrases are so loaded with negative implications that they can undermine us in short order.
“It’s not fair.”
We all know that life isn’t fair. Saying it’s not fair suggests that we think life is supposed to be fair. This makes us look immature and naive, just like Calvin.
We are blessed with such role models as Helen Keller, Nelson Mandela, and Stephen Hawking who exemplified great contributions without having experienced fairness in life!
(Could we just accept life as it is, and move forward?)
“This is how we’ve always done it.”
Modern life changes so fast that even a 6-month-old process could be outdated. This not only makes us sound lazy and resistant to change, but could make folks wonder why we haven’t tried to improve things on our own.
Could we just ask what they’d recommend we do and why?)
“I’ll try.”
Try sounds tentative and suggests we lack confidence in our ability to do the task. As Yoda said: Do or not do. There is no try.
(Perhaps we could just do it to the best of our ability?)
“It’s not my fault.”
We know it’s never a good idea to cast blame. We know we need to be accountable. The moment we start pointing fingers is the moment people start seeing us as lacking accountability and untrustworthy!
(Can I see and admit what I did and then say “Let us just fix it”?)
“I can’t.”
Folks don’t like to hear I can’t because they think it means I won’t. It suggests that we’re not willing to do what it takes or that we really don’t want to do it!
(How about offering “What I can do though is…”)
We’re always at choice as to what we say. And, I’m grateful that we have the opportunity to change what we say and, thus, what we do. Becoming aware is our first step!
So…
here’s to our increasing awareness and on-going improvement!
6 Comments
This is wonderful Pat and right now I wish the world would read it! Knowing that isn’t going to happen so each of us who reads it needs to follow and share with others. Let’s get it rolling!
Thank you, Pat. Well written, timely, and a good reminder for all of us.
Russ, thanks for commenting. Sometimes I wonder how we can take our good reminders and make concerted changes!
Lots of good points. I believe the world is fair, it’s just that the wheels turn so slowly we perceive it to be unfair. This is one reason to consider the concept of reincarnation. I consider it a grace of God to be given another chance (or many chances) to make things right. We get as many chances as we need because we live under God’s rules and God is very forgiving.
This one really hit me hard; it’s taken awhile to respond. Mainly because these are all things I say quite frequently. It doesn’t make me feel any better to complain necessarily, but if all these things are true, then I might as well acknowledge how I feel.
However, I’ve never really considered how these words could be interpreted by other people in such negative ways! So if people think I’m naive and immature, lazy and resistant, untrustworthy, etc. then I say don’t judge a book by it’s cover, haha and lol
Thanks Pat!!
April, so good to hear from you! Words have a lot of power and I don’t think we are very careful with the words we choose. After all, I could be called stubborn (or maybe I’d prefer to be called determined or committed!)