Which will you choose?
Before Thomas Jefferson said it, Epictetus (the Greek Stoic philospher) said that every situation has two handles-one that is an effective way to bear it and the other a way that is unsustainable.
- We choose, he said, which handle to grab.
- We choose whether we will try to see the best in people or the worst.
- We choose whether to reach for anger or for understanding.
A man in a big truck cuts you off in traffic. What will you think? That he’s a jerk who should honked and yelled at? Or will you notice the veterans sticker on the back windshield and consider that he’s probably an honorable person who just didn’t see you?
Your friend hasn’t called in a while. Is it because she doesn’t love you, or might she just be respecting your space, thinking that you’d rather not be called?
A woman edges in front of you at the supermarket. Is she purposely a rule-breaker in society? Or maybe, a nice person who didn’t see you, in a hurry to pick her daughter up from school?
Each day (including today) is filled with these situations. They present us with two options, two handles. It’s up to us to decide which one we will try to use.
We can go around thinking that everyone is out to get us or we can try to think about the less obvious (but far more likely) scenario:
- that they are going through their own issues just like we are.
- that they make mistakes just like we do.
- that maybe we’d all get along better and be less upset if we would choose the forgiving handle, the smooth handle!
Life is short! Let’s choose the smooth handle!